Bottled Thots - i u h e u x

17 February 2008

How can you tell who is telling the truth and who is not?
From his expression?
From his eyes?
From his tone of voice?

Is it me that I start to doubt people
or him being too aggressive?

We have always been close friends, why the sudd all the likings...
Like from where...?
I seriously didn't treat you extra nice...
Nor be gentle as I usually would to the ones I admire..
Nor help you alot..
Nor spend time with you..
Nor do anything at all that touches you..

Oh my...
I should be happy that someone like him would ever like me..
But I just ended a relationship.

A relationship that I never would ever dream of having
because I always thot D. is the BEST guy ever on earth.
I would still wants to believe he is the BEST despite the fact
that he aren't caring towards me at all.
I want to believe its me.
The fault lies with me and not him.
I want to believe that he didn't betray me.
I want to believe that he is the kind husband that
all girls would die for.
I want to still believe all that.

Maybe he does care.
Asking me out on V-day?
Though all the uneasiness?
The awkward scenarios?
Hmmm...
I think he does think of me at some lonely point in life.
Well, that's better than not.

I've lost R..
I've lost D..
I don't wanna lose S.
as a friend.

I can't chat with R like before.
I don't want to lead him on.
I can't share my thots with D. anymore,
I don't want to lead myself on.

Now I'm left with S.

He's telling me he likes me.
Damn..
I don't know how to react.
In fact, I don't wished to react.
Though I know it'll be very nice to be with him.

He's a family man. (pretty mummy's boy but i like)
He's humourous. (aka lame)
He's hardworking. (maybe pride...maybe money...can't tell yet)
He's caring. (though sometimes i personally feel is selective)
He does house works. (Rare you see)
He's a MCP. (sometimes wants people to does things his way. High expectations)
He's a sensitive and meticulous person. (can be gd and bad..yet to confirm)
He's plump. (i don't really care la...)
Seems faithful but not very humble...
keeps repeating and telling me he's good...

Generally acceptable.

But all these really is secondary.

All I need is someone who loves me.
Proud of me as his partner.
Confident that i can be a good wife
and trust me wholeheartedly.

Must love God alot alot too.
Faithful in Christ's ministry
and a living testimony.

We must have the same goal and purpose in life where we can work towards.
No communication breakdown.
He must be able to encourage and lead me to be more confident.
Cannot be a proud man!

Time will tell.

"Be still and know I'm God."

Sometimes, the hardest thing is to simply wait and trust the Lord's timing.

"Do not be anxious... with prayers and petitions, bring your request unto the Lord..."